the art of squatting to pee

we have one western-style toilet in the teachers' bathrooms. for the first week and a half of school, tash, maddy, and i were lovin' it. we have to bring our own toilet paper to school, but it's not a big deal.

then last week, the door to the western toilet was mysteriously locked. we were forced to use something i thought i would only use on rural trips: a squat toilet. there's a whole row of them in the bathroom just next to the western-style toilet.

the western toilet's been locked for almost a week now, so we've had to resort to using the squat toilet. if you've ever been in a desperate pee situation with me (out camping, out after a night of drinking but far away from usable toilets, etc.), you know how bad i am at squatting and peeing. i always end up getting it on my shoes or a little bit on the edge of my pants or other gross things like that. i'm even terrible at squatting over a western toilet in a public bathroom. i'll usually resort to making my own cover out of toilet paper and just sitting on it over hovering for that dreaded 45 seconds. my thighs must be weak.

but apparently, they'll be getting stronger if that damn western toilet never opens up. squatting to pee presents a few questions. our squat toilets are raised off the ground about six inches; do i put my feet on the ground, or on the sides of the toilet? do i aim for the porcelain bowl or the water down below? how far down do i squat?

i can feel it in my thighs after every pee session. maybe these toilets are how asian people stay so much skinnier than us.